Posts tagged "karlene harvey"

Molotov Hearts - Prologue


by Chris Eng, illustration by Karlene Harvey

For the third day in a row, Jenn stood across the street and stared. She was trying to be as nonchalant as possible about it, but wasn’t sure how well it was working, mostly because she was studying each of them carefully, in turn.

A couple of them were new, but several had been there all three days, and it was them she spent most of her time watching. There was the black girl with the foot high crimson mohawk who punctuated her conversation with vicious jabs of a cigarette. She’d worn the same denim skirt/vest combo every day and made it look like a uniform. The guy she was jabbing the cigarette at was average height but wide and beefy, hair shaved close, with a faded shirt for some band called the Cromags tightly adhering to his muscular yet slightly chubby chest. He looked Mongolian, she thought—he was certainly built like he was born to conquer Asia on horseback—and he grinned a lot. There was a blonde girl no older than her late teens wearing sunglasses and a black, one-piece dress possibly made by Prada. At her side she carried a Louis Vuitton handbag with an air which suggested she didn’t have time for knock-offs. She was talking to a woman in her early- to mid-20’s whom Jenn had dubbed Queen Bee, because if she wasn’t the Queen of this small community, Jenn wasn’t sure who was. There wasn’t anything specific in her appearance that led Jenn to that conclusion; she matched a pair of skin-tight, ripped blue jeans with world-weary black Chucks and a Black Flag “Jealous Again” shirt she’d cut a v-neck cut into. Her hair was greasy and dishevelled and she looked like she hadn’t had a shower in a week, but there was an air of control and authority coming off her as unmistakeable as Prada Girl’s grasp of fashion.

And then there was the boy ignoring them all, back to the wall, and reading.

He’d been reading the same thing every day—a huge, hardcover volume that looked like a textbook. She’d been trying to get a good look at the cover, but that hadn’t worked out well from across the street, so the day before she’d taken a picture of it with her phone’s camera and used every photo enhancement the internet could come up with to zoom in on the title. After a half-hour of work, she got it: An Introduction to Quantum Physics. This guy was sitting in the middle of the sidewalk reading a textbook on quantum physics for fun. Standing, he wandered over to Queen Bee and Prada-Girl. He was tall, almost a good foot above Jenn, maybe 6’5” or 6’6”, and gangly in an awkward but endearing way, like Joey Ramone. A mop of dark brown hair hung in his face, almost obscuring his eyes, and an all-weather navy RCMP coat hung limply from his shoulders. It was the beginning of fall and still kind of hot outside, so he should have been roasting in it, but he didn’t seem to notice. A pair of straight-cut black jeans complemented some worn but polished army surplus combat boots. He was laughing now and the sound of his laughter carried over to Jenn’s side of the street. It was a rich, full-timbred laugh and it had him going so hard he bent at the waist and put his free hand on one of his knees to steady himself. He was, Jenn thought to herself, probably the most intriguing, charming and goddamn handsome boy she’d ever laid eyes on.

But he belonged to the punks who hung in front of Pete’s Burgers, a group she had no connection to. She couldn’t talk to him, she could only watch him from across the street, letting the ache grow until she had no other option but to walk to the bus stop, turning her frustration over and over in her mind while she waited for her ride home, just like she’d done on the previous two days.

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Molotov Hearts - Part I, Chapter 1


by Chris Eng, illustration by Karlene Harvey

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“Hey.”

The six teens in the smoke pit of Willeford Senior Secondary stopped talking and looked at Jenn. They were punk by her reckoning, but bore as much in common with the crew in front of Pete’s Burgers as cats with dogs or lemurs with human beings. Their clothes were torn, but precisely and intentionally as opposed to rips that come from years of casual wear. Their hair was multi-coloured, but tinted with temporary dyes that would wash out if parents protested. Their belts were huge, spiked and non-functional. Their shirts were tight and new, the fronts emblazoned with the names of bands familiar to anyone with even a passing knowledge of punk. And they were all smoking, but there was a deliberateness to it which made it seem like they were part of an animatronic display at Disney World.

Claire, a girl in Grade 12 with lavender highlights and a Sex Pistols shirt, gave Jenn a look up and down, then said, without any enthusiasm at all, “What’s up, McNabb?”

Jenn gave herself the same look in her mind’s eye. There was nothing going on with either her or her wardrobe. At 16, Jenn had mastered the art of being non-descript. She was pretty—with some effort and an hour or so in the morning she might have been beautiful—but she consistently veered toward plainness, covering up her slight but curvy frame in grey or tan blouses, sweaters and knee-length skirts, and topping it all off with thick stockings and worn maryjanes. Her auburn hair hung straight and unmanaged, parted on the left and framing her face in an acceptable yet entirely uninvolving way. A black knapsack, heavy with schoolwork, hung off her right shoulder and she’d wedged a book tightly under her left arm. It was an appearance that almost satisfied people’s conceptions of ‘nerdy’ but settled on ‘wallflower’ instead.

Jenn shrugged. “Nothing. Just seeing what was going on.”

“We’re smoking.”

“Yeah, I got that,” Jenn replied, wondering why she’d come over to talk to them. She knew, of course—they were punks, or the closest thing to them she had any contact with. They were obviously socially separate from the group downtown, but she thought if she hung out with this group for a while, she might better understand the culture.

Claire grinned at Jenn—a shark’s smile, carnivorous and hungry—and said, “So, why’d you ask then?”

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Molotov Hearts - Part I, Chapter 2

by Chris Eng, illustration by Karlene Harvey

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ThrifTown described itself as a thrift store, but marketed itself as a department store, staying open until nine every night and illuminating their multiple-football-field size selection with banks of fluorescent lights until every particle of dirt (and there were oh-so-many particles of dirt) was blindingly obvious under the barrage.

Jenn had originally headed there because it was one of the few places downtown (admittedly, the very edge of downtown, bordering the industrial area) open past six, but as she walked slowly and absentmindedly down the aisles she began to form a plan.

Fingering a poofy blouse with football player shoulder pads, she stopped. She was in the wrong section. Straightening herself, Jenn strode across the store to the childrens-wear. She would have looked in the men’s department, but figured she was too tiny even for a men’s small.

Her mother, despite the grabbing and slapping, had been right. It fucking killed Jenn to admit it, but it was true: no boys would look at her. No boys or girls would look at her, sexually or otherwise. She couldn’t make friends. She was, in a best case scenario, effectively invisible. She picked up a pair of jeans from the rack, held them up to herself to check the fit and put them back.

The only people in the world Jenn was remotely interested in befriending were the Downtown Punks, and despite the fact they seemed to take anyone into their ranks, she still didn’t feel like she stood a chance in her secretary-wear. She’d seen some odd people hanging out with them… but none that looked like her.

She picked up another pair of jeans and held them against herself. Looking down, she took all her preconceived ideas of fashion and crammed them and their nearly deafening voices down into the pit beneath her heart where she could no longer hear them. This wasn’t a matter to be decided by self-doubt. This was something that required cool-headed and logical evaluation: WWQBW?

What would Queen Bee wear?

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Molotov Hearts - Part I, Chapter 3

by Chris Eng, illustration by Karlene Harvey

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Jenn’s smile had faded by the time she got home. She’d spent the bus ride going over every possible option to avoid having Round 2 with her mother, but ultimately knew there wasn’t any. She had no friends to stay with and she wasn’t going to spend the night downtown. Besides, it’s not like she was the guilty party. She may have provoked her mother, but Jenn didn’t grab her by the sweater and start slapping her.

The rationalizing didn’t kill her anxiety, but it gave her enough fortitude to get on the bus. Still, by the time she’d reached her stop, her nerves were electric with tension and the tendons in her shoulders were like steel cables. She was a coiled snake, a compressed spring.

Stopping up the block, she took her school books from her knapsack and crammed the ThrifTown bag into it. She didn’t want to have to explain her shopping trip to her parents. Not tonight. She slung the knapsack over both shoulders, put her books under her arm and walked the rest of the way home.

Even before she slid the TV room door open, she knew exactly what she would find; her parents sitting on the couch in silence, waiting for her. And there they were. Her mother was dressed just as she had been a few hours previous, her face red and puffy from crying and rage. Jenn’s dad sat next to her, a man in his early 40s dressed in a crisp and stylish shirt and tie. He surveyed the situation from behind designer glasses, and ran a hand through his well-groomed hair as a matter of preparation. Jenn closed the door behind herself, just as her mother’s voice erupted.

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Molotov Hearts - Part I, Chapter 4

by Chris Eng, illustration by Karlene Harvey

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She waited until 2:00 a.m. before grabbing her bag, shoving her copy of Anarchy for Newbies into it and heading for her dad’s workshop. Jenn wasn’t sure if her parents were still up—if her dad had that much work, it was possible he was—but their rooms were on the opposite side of the house and she wasn’t worried about being discovered.

She flipped the lightswitch and banks of fluorescent lights flickered on. She wasn’t sure why her dad needed a workshop; it’s not like it ever got used. Maybe it was just something dads were supposed to have. Regardless, it was well-outfitted. Her dad had done his duty and filled the room with nearly every kind of tool, gadget and device used in the kind of home-improvement that never took place in their house.

Stepping lightly across the concrete floor, she made her way to the workbench and removed a pair of industrial shears from the wall above it.

Sitting down cross-legged on the floor and opening her knapsack, Jenn took the ThrifTown bag out, turned it upside-down and emptied the contents in front of her. She picked the jean jacket out of the pile and held it up. She’d never intentionally mutilated her clothes before. She smiled and laid the jacket down, stretching the arm of the fabric out. Gripping the shears tightly, she began to carefully cut the arm away, making sure the seam was still attached. Once that was done, she started on the other side. A couple of minutes later she held up the finished product, a perfectly acceptable and functional jean vest.

She laid it on the floor again, back facing up, and moved the rest of the clothes away from it. Next, she headed to the utility shelves that stored the liquids. If there was a liquid product with a household application, chances are it had made its way onto the shelves at some point. There were plastic bottles of motor oil, buckets of wood stain, cans of WD-40, and paint.

Jenn grabbed a can of black spray-paint and went back to the vest. She shook the can vigorously for a few seconds, popped the cap off and evaluated her canvas. Holding the can a few inches off the fabric, she precisely painted a circle about a foot in diameter. When she finished, she looked at it, took a step back, and looked at it again before just as carefully inscribing a capital A inside the circle.

She nodded, pleased. Extracting the book from her knapsack, she plopped into a deck chair and read as the paint dried.

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Molotov Hearts - Part I, Chapters 6 & 7

by Chris Eng, illustration by Karlene Harvey

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CHAPTER SIX

Jenn changed back into her school clothes before she got home. The jean jacket and mack came off, the blouse and sweater went on over the t-shirt. The skirt went on over the jeans, the jeans came off, and the stockings went on real quick. She did it all in the park, and after she changed she hung out and just basked, taking her time.

She rolled into the TV room around six and was just depositing her knapsack beside the loveseat when her mother’s voice echoed down the stairs.

“Jenn?!” It was only half a question.

“Yes?” she yelled back up.

“Dinner,” came the flat response.

Dinner was a spartan affair, composed of two or three things her mother had assembled after boiling them in their respective bags, and the atmosphere at the table was even more tense than usual.

“So,” her mother said, a forkful of what appeared to be sweet and sour chicken locked in a holding pattern in front of her. “Out with your friends again?”

“Yes,” Jenn responded with as much patience and courtesy as she could muster.

“I thought you said you didn’t have any.”

“Hesther,” her dad interrupted.

Jenn felt her mother’s eyes on her and tried to ignore the sensation as she worked on finishing her dinner with as much nonchalant speed as she could.

“What’s that?” her mother said low and casually, practically purring, like a panther toying with its prey. Jenn looked over warily to see her mother pointing a knife at the back of Jenn’s hand. At Spit’s address.

“It’s an address.” Jenn looked down at her plate and continued to work through dinner in as little time as possible. “I told you I had friends,” she said to no one in particular.

“Mm-hm,” said her mother, still purring, and Jenn swore she could feel her mother’s gaze burning a hole through the back of her hand.


CHAPTER SEVEN

Friday was like Christmas when Jenn was seven. Christmas when she lay awake all night because she couldn’t sleep. Christmas when her waking days were lengthened by a factor of ten or more. Each of Jenn’s classes seemed to last 12 hours, but even though it was torture, Jenn couldn’t shake her good mood, and she endured her scholastic prison sentence with the serenity of a Zen monk.

After school she went home and stuck around for dinner, partly because she didn’t want to pay for it and partly because she thought it would involve less interrogation from her mother (which was becoming a larger and larger concern). As Jenn predicted, dinner was a conversational dead zone and everybody ate in silence. Jenn knew her dad was happy (or at least satisfied) if she and her mother avoided going for each other’s throats and Jenn wanted out of the house with as little fuss as possible. She was going to have to bring it up, though.

“I’m going out tonight.”

“You’re going out?” her mother asked, incredulous.

“Yeah.”

“Where?”

“To Claire’s.”

“I don’t think I know Claire.” Jenn could hear the panther tones creeping back.

“She’s never been over here.”

“Is she one of your new friends?”

“Yeah.”

“Is she the one whose address was on your hand the other day?” The panther leapt.

A shock ran down the length of Jenn’s spine, but she replied calmly and pulled a name out of the air as she spoke. “No. That was Fiona.”

“I don’t know Fiona either.”

Her dad rubbed his temple in a small circular motion with his index finger.

“Hesther,” he said, injecting himself into a conversation he clearly didn’t want to be a part of. “She said she has some new friends. It’s good Jennifer is making new friends.”

His wife glared at him as he spoke to Jenn. “Honey, we may not know Claire and Fiona, but it’s not like we need to meet all your friends. Go have fun tonight, all right?”

“Okay. Thanks, dad.”

The sound of silverware clinking on plates dominated the room, punctuated only briefly by the low sound of her mother talking under her breath. “Well… look who grew a pair.”

They finished their meal in silence.

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Molotov Hearts - Part I, Chapter 8

by Chris Eng, illustration by Karlene Harvey

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Jenn changed her clothes in the TV room in about 30 seconds flat. She didn’t want to show up at the party with her knapsack, so that was the only option. She hung around the TV room until the last possible second, then did a quick-change, shoved her normal clothes in her knapsack, deposited it around the far end of the couch and shot out the basement door for the bus stop. To her great pleasure, nothing occurred to mess up her plan.

The bus dropped her off in a quiet neighbourhood outside the downtown core. Aside from the occasional motorist using Main Street as a shortcut to get from A to B at 100 kph, the neighbourhood was deathly quiet. The buildings in the vicinity were composed of warehouses, businesses in converted warehouses and scrapyards. There was a lone gas station in the distance ahead, blindingly bright next to the intermittent glow of the neighbouring street lamps.

The streets in the area were short and not entirely logical. They were obviously planned according to the needs of the various businesses which originally inhabited the area and, as such, there was no guarantee a given road would go straight through. That’s why she’d printed out a map online.

Jenn rounded the corner when she hit the gas station and stepped into darkness. Apparently, maintaining street lights wasn’t a pressing concern in the area. She wished she had a knife. Making it to the end of the block, she turned right and saw a few people standing on the sidewalk in front of a house. As she drew closer she could hear the party happening there.

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Molotov Hearts - Part I, Chapter 9

by Chris Eng, illustration by Karlene Harvey

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It wasn’t a penthouse loft or rooftop garden, it was a nearly flat covering that sheltered the porch. Extending out about eight feet, it ran across the front of the building and was accessible from both Spit’s room and the one next to it. From there, one had a clear view of the diner and maybe into the second floor of the dance studio.

Jenn sat on the asphalt shingles with her arms wrapped around her knees. “You ever watch the dancers?” she asked Spit, who was sitting next to her, nursing his beer.

“They do jazz dancing in there. Even if I wanted the thrill of having the ladies unwittingly dance for me, the dancing is not sexy. Seriously, I’d get more of a thrill watching people eat their three-dollar breakfasts.”

She giggled in the moonlight. “So, that’s a yes, then?”

“Ha! Yeah. Once. And then I felt sad and dirty and went back inside.”

Jenn shivered.

“You cold?” he asked her.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to go back inside yet. My jackets are in Becky’s room. I’ll go get them.”

“I’ve got a hoodie right here if you want.”

“Okay.”

He clambered into his room. “I’ve got several, actually,” he said, sifting through his clothes. Popping his upper body back through the window, he handed her a green zip-up with ‘SOVIETTES’ written across the front of it. She pulled it on and surveyed the fit. It was at least a couple of sizes too large. Shrugging, she zipped up the front and plunged her hands in the pockets. There was a smell to it. Not unpleasant, but not particularly familiar. It smelled like boy.

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Molotov Hearts - Part II, Chapters 1 & 2

by Chris Eng, illustration by Karlene Harvey

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CHAPTER ONE

It was just as bad as Jenn thought it would be. Her mother had been yelling at her for ten minutes straight and it had long passed the point where it could be argued she had any interest in finding out where Jenn had been or who she was with. Now it was just an angry, angry rant.

There was the part about what her parents had been through. The part about them calling the hospitals. The part about them calling the police. The part detailing how stupid she was for turning her phone off. The rhetorical question about just who she thought she was. Then there was the part about how there would be consequences. That was the part that mattered; everything else was a justification for whatever came out of her mother’s mouth next.

The interesting thing was that it was clear that in spite of whatever worries had gone through her mother’s mind over the course of the night, this speech—the entire rant from end to end—had been rehearsed. It was contrived, over the top and darkly comical, but Jenn used every ounce of strength she had left to fight laughter, a smile or any emotion at all. She stood there and stared blankly at her mother.

Standing motionless and staring wasn’t hard. She’d had about two hours of sleep the night before. Jenn was pretty sure she and Spit had fallen asleep before the sun came up, but with the way she felt, it was probably just before the sun came up. Consequently, the adrenaline rush that buoyed her briefly when she confronted her parents was ebbing, and she was now doing her best to stay focused while her mother yelled at her.

Her dad was present, but he was sitting off to the side, a bystander to the events taking place. Her mother was more enthusiastic about discipline anyway.

“You will make me a list of all your friends’ full names and their phone numbers and addresses,” her mother shouted.

Yeah, that seems likely, Jenn thought.

“And you’re grounded.” That one, despite the fact that Jenn was expecting it, was a sharp shock to the system. “For a month. At least. Until you feel a little more cooperative about telling us what really happened last night.”

“You haven’t even asked me what happened! You’ve just been standing there yelling at me!”

Her mother shook her head dismissively. “You wouldn’t have told me the truth anyway, so why would I?”

Jenn goggled disbelievingly and looked at her dad who stared back stoney-faced.

“Don’t look at me,” he said. “You brought this one on yourself.”

“Fine,” Jenn spat. “Are we done, then?”

“We’re done,” her mother snapped. “We can talk about where all this,” she gestured at Jenn’s clothes, “came from later. Go to your room.”

“Not a problem,” said Jenn, storming out. Tears were already welling up, but she wouldn’t give her mother the satisfaction of crying in front of her. Jenn’s tears were her own. And maybe, she thought, remembering the night before, Spit’s.


CHAPTER TWO

“Jesus Christ, McNabb, are you completely serious?!” Claire stood across the hall and gaped at Jenn. “Is that the first thing you found to wear when you rolled out of the dumpster this morning?”

Claire’s second-in-command, Ashleigh, wrinkled her nose at the hoodie. “You know the Soviet Union doesn’t exist anymore, right?”

“Yeah.”

“You dumbass, McNabb,” Claire sneered. “Try to keep up with current events.” They both started laughing and bumped fists as Jenn moved around them.

Jenn kept everything inside. All of it.

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Molotov Hearts - Part II, Chapters 3 & 4

 

by Chris Eng, illustration by Karlene Harvey

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CHAPTER THREE

“The hoodie looks good on you,” Spit said, smiling up at Jenn from his usual spot in front of Pete’s.

“It looks ridiculous on me,” Jenn said, sloughing her backpack off and tossing it on the ground. She flopped down and pulled up a piece of wall next to him. “But I like it.” She beamed, and he leaned over and kissed her.

“So, I take it your parents didn’t kill you after all.”

“No. No, they totally did. I’m grounded for, like, a month. I’m skipping school right now to see you.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“I have to,” she said. “If I come home late, my mother will FREAK. OUT. So the only thing to do is cut class so I can still be home by 3:30.”

“Ah, this is your cunning plan.”

“Yeah. I mean, unless you want me to not visit you and read Jane Eyre instead. I’m pretty sure I’ve got it covered ‘cause I read it in Grade 5, but it’s up to you.”

“Wow. Defensive much?”

“Yeah, a little… I’m getting attacked by everyone I know these days.”

“Not everyone.” Spit put his arm around her shoulders and gently pulled her to him. “I’m glad to see you.”

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